2017/11/11
Dear Diary,
I saw her again. This has been the fifth time since her funeral. This afternoon, gym class. She was standing in the corner as usual. No one approached her, she was just standing there, as if she wasn’t really there at all. At that moment, I accidentally made eye contact with her. Her gaze pulled me in as if her eyes were an endless void seeking to be filled. Was she looking at me? Or was she just looking in my direction by coincidence?
“I can’t let her know that I can see her. I need to act normal.” That was the only thought in my mind. As quickly as I could, I looked away and tried to forget what I saw. But, it was already too late. Am I hallucinating? Or am I cursed by her? But…but I didn’t do anything to her! This is kinda driving me crazy. I don't want to see her again. Please, let me get back to normal.
2018/11/15
Dear Diary,
I keep seeing her these days. I can’t stop thinking about her, and every night I close my eyes, those scenes of her occupy my mind. I went to my therapist yesterday, and she told me that I might have been traumatized by a classmate passing away. I decided to not let anyone else know about what I saw. Everyone seemed to be acting normal as if nothing happened. I must be just like them, I don’t want them to see me as a weirdo.
I tried to avoid her as much as possible, but she still noticed me. After class today, I saw a post-it on my desk. Scribbled in archaic cursive, there was a simple message on it:
“Can you see me?”
That was the only thing written on the post-it. Everyone knew her handwriting. As soon as I read it, the note disappeared. I slowly turned my head around. There she was again, seated in the corner, where she used to sit during class. She started at me, and this time, she spoke. “Hi! You can see me, right? Could you … could you answer me if you can see me?”
Being scared by her, I turned away again. Suddenly, I heard her crying. I froze in place. It’s my first time hearing her crying. In the past year, there were countless occasions that she could’ve cried out loud. After making sure that no one was in the classroom, I turned back and approached her. I tried asking her what was wrong. She told me that she couldn’t remember anything. When she woke up, she found herself trapped in the school. Soon she realized that people cannot see her; when she tried to listen to people’s conversation, their words lost all meaning, as if they were talking under the sea. She eventually realized that she might have turned into a ghost. Ever since, she had been hanging around and observing her surroundings from the corner.
In the end, she asked to be friends with me. But, I was too scared to associate with her. People would notice if I started talking to the air. I don’t want to be noticed, especially by them. However, the moment she looked at me, she had that same look in her eyes; her look brought my memories from a year ago. Pressured by her gaze, I replied: “Sure”.
Now I don’t know what to do.
2018/11/20
Dear Diary,
It was odd we made such a quick connection. A polar opposite from my impression of her when she was alive, she is now like all that’s good in the world.
She tried to teach me how to play the violin today. It was difficult for her to teach me because she couldn’t touch it. It sounded really wrong when I was playing. But still, it was really fun!
2018/11/22
Dear Diary,
She finally asked me about her past yesterday. I told her that she was just an ordinary student; there was nothing special about her, just like me, and just like everyone else in the school. She seemed to be disappointed by that a little bit.
I’m sorry for lying to you.
2018/12/7
Dear Diary,
Why are some people just so mean and annoying in my school?
Instead of trying to fit in with them, I would rather spend time with only her.
Moments spent with her are among the happiest of my life. There is nothing better.
2018/12/15
Dear Diary,
She somehow knew about the rumor of the witch in our school. Today, she asked me who the witch was. My mind went blank for a few seconds. “Oh, it was a girl in our school. People believe that she brings misfortune to people around her.” “But,” I continued, “I don’t think they’re right. Things that seem to be unfortunate also bring good fortune from a different perspective.”
I didn’t know how much she knew about it, so I only told her half of the truth.
I’m sorry.
2018/1/15
Dear Diary,
After the Christmas break, she started recalling her past. Certain places or objects would evoke feelings.
Every Wednesday after class, we met up in the library. She enjoys reading, especially reading the records of supernatural phenomena. Since she can’t touch any concrete object, I would go pick a book she likes, and we sit next to each other and read it together. Something like I flip the pages for her but don’t know how to describe it better. We developed our own special chemistry: I know exactly when she’d like the page turned.
Earlier today, we were supposed to meet in the library, but for the first time, she did not appear. I got worried, so I started to look for her in the school. I found her in the locker room. There, she was sitting on the floor and hugging her knees to her chest. She was staring blankly at the storage room in the corner. I came to her, sat in front of her, and held her shoulders. “Hey, are you ok?” I asked. She looked at me, with eyes of emptiness. A few seconds later, she regained focus. She told me that something about that storage room made her uncomfortable, but she could not recall anything about it.
It’s the room where they had the “witch trial”. I pretended not to know. But, what if she remembers? What is going to happen? I’m too scared to think.
2018/2/24
Dear Diary,
We had a big argument. She broke down in front of me, and she accused me of not telling her the truth — that she was the witch.
She left without saying anything.
2018/3/23
Dear Diary,
It has been a month, and I haven’t seen her since the day she left. She is supposed to be trapped in this building, but I can’t find her anywhere.
I am already so used to being with her. I spent most of my time with her, and I unconsciously disconnected from other people at school. Without her being around, I have been much lonelier than before.
I wish I could go back to when we were still friends. I miss her.
Maybe she will come back if they all get punished.
2018/3/1
Dear Diary,
In the library, I found the last book that we read together. It’s called Modern Witchcraft and Magic for Beginners. I once laughed at the title. She was really into it.
I want to try it. Maybe that will bring her back.
2018/4/1
Dear diary,
I got it! Today I made Daniel choke while he was drinking water. It was so fun to see how his face immediately turned red and couldn’t stop coughing.
It’s still not enough tho, I want all of them to suffer the same–no, even more than what she had been through.
2018/4/12
Dear Diary,
I feel more familiar with my powers. I have punished several people now. Nothing really dangerous, but it should leave them a bit traumatized.
Daniel, Jack, James, Grace, Nathan, Olivia, Max, Will, Chris… You all deserve it.
2018/5/2
Dear Diary,
Today I punished the last person who was involved in the witch trial. Finally, I got all of them.
But, why hasn’t she returned?
Did I overlook someone? Who could I have forgotten? I’ve been sure to trace back everyone. But I remembered there was one last person that I haven’t punished. And now I know what has to be done. Maybe I’m supposed to get punished as well, because, well, you know why….
I was silent and cowardly when she was suffering, and I didn’t help her recover her lost memories.
No one shall evade justice.
NO ONE.
— This is a diary from the patient who committed suicide on 8/3/2019. In the case history, the patient witnessed an episode of serious violence in her middle school. She developed major depressive and post-traumatic stress disorders soon after witnessing a classmate pass away by accident. On 5/2/2018, about half a year after the incident and then being subjected to sustained bullying, she started showing signs of instrumental aggression and assaulted those who had bullied her. The patient’s stepfather sent her to our facility. Here, she started writing diary entries, but they were outdated. She wrote her diary as if she were trapped in the past. In her diary, she documented several incidents of hallucination, claiming that she saw a ghost, whom she claimed was the previous victim. From her stepfather, we got another diary she wrote three years ago while at school.
Dr. James Madison, 8/4/2019
2017/1/30
Dear Diary,
Today was my first day in this school. Everything seemed fine. It is always hard for a transfer student to fit in. I hope I can make some friends quickly.
2017/2/15
Dear Diary,
Today I accidentally witnessed a girl getting bullied. People were surrounding her in the corner when one of them started to slap her. I tried to run away before anyone could notice me. But at the last moment, I caught a glimpse of the girl. She was giving me the look of, “Help me.” That was the only thing I could read in her eyes.
Jennifer told me about her. They’re calling her the witch! She is always shy and gloomy, and her biggest hobby was reading books on supernatural stuff and magic. On many occasions, there were rumors that she was cursing other people using witchcraft, and people started to keep their distance from her. After that, they got her. How could people so popular get off on tormenting the weak. They called it “the witch trial”, where they found every way possible to beat up on her.
This is so stupid. But I can’t stand up or do anything else to help her. I am just a transfer student. I can’t risk myself for someone who I don’t even know.
2017/5/24
Dear Diary,
I hate this school. Many people are just indifferent towards this witch trial bullshit. Even scarier, sometimes I find myself being accustomed to it as if she was meant to suffer.
Jack, Daniel, Grace, Max, James, Chris, Will, Nathan, Olivia–they’re planning the trial.
Today I saw them taking her into that storage room again. Nathan dragged her in by the hair. I watched her thrashing about helplessly against the gang surrounding her. “Why aren’t you smiling for the camera?” Grace started recording everything on her phone. Chris and Will pinned her down to one of the benches. Daniel began stomping on her stomach and throwing punches at her face. The screaming chilled me to the bone. I will never forget that sound. Soon her screaming died down to whimpering. “Why so quiet?” Daniel threw water in her face.
After running away from them, I feel I am such a coward. I can’t stop blaming myself.
But I haven’t done anything to her, so this is not my fault, right? I don’t have any power to do anything,
Maybe she really was a witch. She had magic, the magic to bring all the misfortunes to herself. Therefore it’s also the magic to… bring peace to weak people like me, like the peace they had in Omelas.
What would happen if she did not exist? Those people would find someone else to bully anyways. And I can’t do anything about it.
Thank god I am not the one getting bullied.
2017/9/3
Dear Diary,
It was the first week of the new school year. I feel like I am doing a better job at socializing. This school is actually not too bad.
2017/10/13
Dear Diary,
I SAW IT. They tried to drag her to the trial room again, but this time, she really fought back. Then they lost their temper and accidentally pushed her off the stairs. The moment her body hit the floor, I couldn’t help myself screaming, and they saw me. There was no one else there. I was the only one who saw this happen. Now I have to be dealt with.
What do I do now?
